A Very Unhelpful Guide to Nicaragua

(According to Someone Who Kept Saying “This Is Fine” )

Nicaragua doesn’t rush you.
It watches.

It lets you arrive.
Then quietly removes your expectations
while you’re busy sweating.

📍 Pochomil

DO:

Let the ocean knock thoughts loose.
Sit. Do nothing. Actually nothing.
Accept the breeze as therapy.

DON’T:

Over-schedule.
Ask what comes next.
Assume beaches need excitement.

Things no one warned me about:

Pochomil feels like a long exhale.
Time stretches here.
Your nervous system notices first.

DON’T MISS:

The surfing boat rides.

📍 Managua

DO:

Let the city introduce itself slowly.
Observe rather than judge.
Trust your instincts.

DON’T:

Expect postcards.
Assume chaos means danger.
Rush through.

Things no one warned me about:

Managua feels unfinished.
Not broken just becoming.
It asks for patience.

DON’T MISS:

Visiting any Chinese malls – selection is great.
Getting lost in any market streets.

📍 San Rafael del Sur

DO:

Notice the bustle.
Greet people back.
Walk with intention.

DON’T :

Expect spectacle.
Force conversation.
Pretend you’re not a guest.

Things no one warned me about:

Small towns see you.
Even when they don’t say much.
Especially then.

DON’T MISS:

Drinking home made oat milks in clear bags.

📍 Diriamba

DO:

Wander without purpose.
Sit where locals sit.
Let the town reveal itself.

DON’T:

Look for attractions.
Measure worth by guidebooks.
Rush your steps.

Things no one warned me about:

Diriamba feels grounded.
Like it knows who it is.
And doesn’t need to explain.

DON’T MISS:

Seeing the giant chickens.

📍Granada

DO:

Walk the colorful streets slowly.
Sit by the lake.
Let beauty be simple.

DON’T:

Over-romanticize.
Skip the quiet corners.
Forget to look up.

Things no one warned me about:

Granada is gentle.
It doesn’t demand attention.
It earns it.

DON’T MISS:

Having a fresh coconut.

📝 Absurd Nicaragua Checklist

☑ Sweated through every plan
☑ Learned patience without trying
☑ Mistook stillness for boredom (briefly)
☑ Realized calm can be loud
☑ Said this is fine unironically
☑ Checked shoes before putting on for scorpions/black spiders
☑ Ate ripe fruits directly from the trees
☑ Washed my clothes in a river
☑ Checked for crocodiles before swimming in the river
☑ Shoved my way into a chicken bus