The Very Unhelpful Series

In case anyone wants unhelpful advise for the places I visited.

  • |

    A Very Unhelpful Guide to Spain

    ByChih Sang
    (According to Someone Who Thought This Would Be Relaxing)

    Spain does not whisper.
    Spain announces itself.

    With heat.
    With history.
    With stairs that appear when you’re already tired.

    I came thinking tapas and sunsets.
    Spain said, “No. You’re walking”.

    📍 Madrid
    DO:
    • Walk until your feet file a complaint.
    • Sit in plazas like you belong there.
    • Eat late and stop questioning it.
    DON’T:
    • Expect the city to slow down for you.
    • Try to “see it all”.
    • Plan dinner before 9pm.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Madrid hums.
    • It’s not flashy…. it’s confident.
    • You’ll feel underdressed emotionally.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Morning jog in Parque de El Retiro
    📍 Gran Canaria
    DO:
    • Accept that Spain has islands.
    • Lose track of which climate you’re in.
    • Let the ocean reset your nervous system.
    DON’T:
    • Ask why it feels like three countries in one.
    • Expect mainland logic.
    • Rush.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Gran Canaria is a plot twist.
    • It arrived by accident.
    • It stayed by intention.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Swimming in volcanic pools
    📍 Seville
    DO:
    • Surrender to the heat.
    • Watch flamenco like it’s telling you something.
    • Eat slowly.
    DON’T :
    • Fight the temperature.
    • Schedule too much.
    • Wear black. Ever.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Seville doesn’t perform for you.
    • It is the performance.
    • The city sweats with pride.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Walking to the top of La Giralda
    📍 Granada
    DO:
    • Walk uphill without asking how far.
    • Look back often.
    • Sit with history longer than comfort allows.
    DON’T:
    • Rush the Alhambra.
    • Reduce it to photos.
    • Ignore the silence between steps.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Granada feels layered.
    • You don’t visit it —you peel it back.
    • The past here is patient.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Alhambra – history without apologies
    📍Málaga
    DO:
    • Let it surprise you.
    • Enjoy the coastal ease.
    • Pause.
    DON’T:
    • Underestimate its charm.
    • Treat it like a stopover.
    • Skip the food.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Málaga feels lived-in.
    • It’s a deep breath.
    • It doesn’t need your approval.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Searching for Antonio Banderas.
    📍Nerja
    DO:
    • Look over the edge.
    • Breathe.
    • Let the sea do the work.
    DON’T:
    • Check your phone too often.
    • Rush the view.
    • Assume you’ll feel nothing.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Nerja is quiet confidence.
    • It gives without asking.
    • Stillness lands differently here.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Visit a Neanderthals’ cave
    📍 Ronda
    DO:
    • Stand at the bridge.
    • Let the scale hit you.
    • Respect gravity.
    DON’T:
    • Look down if you’re not ready.
    • Try to explain the feeling.
    • Pretend it’s just a view.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Ronda is dramatic.
    • And justified.
    • The cliff does the talking.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Site of Madonna’s video for “Take a Bow”.
    📍 Setenil de las Bodegas
    DO:
    • Eat under rocks.
    • Marvel at human stubbornness.
    • Laugh at the audacity.
    DON’T:
    • Ask “Why?”
    • Question engineering.
    • Assume the path leads back – getting lost is very easy
    Things no one warned me about:
    • People built homes inside a cliff.
    • And it works.
    • Spain shrugs at logic.
    DON’T MISS:
    • This place especially if you are near Ronda.
    📍 Barcelona
    DO:
    • Let art confuse you.
    • Walk until your plans dissolve.
    • Sit by the water.
    DON’T:
    • Try to categorize it.
    • Rush Gaudí.
    • Expect resolution.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Barcelona refuses definition.
    • It’s chaos with intention.
    • It asks you to keep up.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Sagrada Familia – how can one man have plans for something he would never get to see finished.
    📍 Sad Cemetery (The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly)
    DO:
    • Run like Tuco.
    • Commit fully.
    • Be ridiculous.
    DON’T:
    • Half-do it.
    • Worry about onlookers.
    • Forget why you came.
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Nostalgia can be physical.
    • Two days isn’t too long.
    • Sometimes closure looks like play.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Staying in Santo Domingo de Silos.
    📍 Caminito del Rey
    DO:
    • Trust the path.
    • Walk forward.
    • Keep moving.
    DON’T:
    • Look down too long.
    • Overthink your footing.
    • Ask “What if?”
    Things no one warned me about:
    • Fear sharpens focus.
    • Heights clarify thoughts.
    • Survival feels poetic.
    DON’T MISS:
    • Doing the guided tour – and hearing the story of the kids going to school daily through the caminito.
    📝 Absurd Spain Checklist

    ☑ Survived heat that felt personal
    ☑ Walked cliffs willingly
    ☑ Ate under rocks
    ☑ Recreated movie scenes alone
    ☑ Mistook exhaustion for enlightenment

    “If you’re going to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk”.
    —The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966)

    Spain didn’t relax me.
    It activated me.

    And somewhere between sweat, stone, and silence,
    I realized rest doesn’t always come from stopping.

    Sometimes it comes from showing up fully and laughing when you’re tired.

    Share this