A Very Unhelpful Guide to Italy
(According to Someone Who Walked in Circles and Called It Culture)
Italy does not care if you are efficient.
It rewards getting lost.
Repeatedly.
You arrive thinking you’ll see things.
You leave realizing you mostly felt confused beautifully.
📍 Venice
DO:
- Walk without direction.
- Cross every bridge.
- Accept that stairs are a lifestyle.
DON’T:
- Trust your map.
- Expect roads to behave like roads.
- Assume you’ve seen it yet.
Things no one warned me about:
- Venice reroutes you emotionally.
- You will walk the same alley three times and swear it’s new.
- Water makes everything feel older including your thoughts.
DON’T MISS:
- Eating pizza and getting it snatched out of your hands by the seagulls.
📍 Turin
DO:
- Sit in cafés longer than necessary.
- Observe people who look like they’re thinking in philosophy.
- Let elegance feel quiet.
DON’T:
- Rush conversations.
- Expect chaos like Rome.
- Underestimate subtlety.
Things no one warned me about:
- Turin is composed.
- It doesn’t announce itself.
- It assumes you’re paying attention.
DON’T MISS:
- Reliving The Italian Job on the roof track of the mall.
📍 Sacra di San Michele Abbey
DO:
- Climb slowly.
- Breathe between steps.
- Feel small intentionally.
DON’T :
- Check your phone.
- Talk too much.
- Ask what the purpose is.
Things no one warned me about:
- The silence is loud.
- The climb is part of the prayer.
- Perspective changes at altitude.
DON’T MISS:
- Scheduling your return bus ride.
📝 Absurd Venice Checklist
☑ Got lost and called it wandering
☑ Walked up stairs that had no visible reason
☑ Questioned my sense of direction and existence
☑ Felt insignificant in the best possible way
☑ Thought: Humans built this why?
“Life is a combination of magic and pasta.”
— Federico Fellini
Italy didn’t rush me.
It slowed me down by force.
Through canals, stone, silence, and staircases,
it reminded me that not all progress is forward.
Sometimes the point is to wander,
climb,
and stand very still
until something ancient rearranges you.
