A Very Unhelpful Guide to Nicaragua
(According to Someone Who Kept Saying “This Is Fine” )
Nicaragua doesn’t rush you.
It watches.
It lets you arrive.
Then quietly removes your expectations
while you’re busy sweating.
📍 Pochomil
DO:
- Let the ocean knock thoughts loose.
- Sit. Do nothing. Actually nothing.
- Accept the breeze as therapy.
DON’T:
- Over-schedule.
- Ask what comes next.
- Assume beaches need excitement.
Things no one warned me about:
- Pochomil feels like a long exhale.
- Time stretches here.
- Your nervous system notices first.
DON’T MISS:
- The surfing boat rides.
📍 Managua
DO:
- Let the city introduce itself slowly.
- Observe rather than judge.
- Trust your instincts.
DON’T:
- Expect postcards.
- Assume chaos means danger.
- Rush through.
Things no one warned me about:
- Managua feels unfinished.
- Not broken just becoming.
- It asks for patience.
DON’T MISS:
- Visiting any Chinese malls – selection is great.
- Getting lost in any market streets.
📍 San Rafael del Sur
DO:
- Notice the bustle.
- Greet people back.
- Walk with intention.
DON’T :
- Expect spectacle.
- Force conversation.
- Pretend you’re not a guest.
Things no one warned me about:
- Small towns see you.
- Even when they don’t say much.
- Especially then.
DON’T MISS:
- Drinking home made oat milks in clear bags.
📍 Diriamba
DO:
- Wander without purpose.
- Sit where locals sit.
- Let the town reveal itself.
DON’T:
- Look for attractions.
- Measure worth by guidebooks.
- Rush your steps.
Things no one warned me about:
- Diriamba feels grounded.
- Like it knows who it is.
- And doesn’t need to explain.
DON’T MISS:
- Seeing the giant chickens.
📍Granada
DO:
- Walk the colorful streets slowly.
- Sit by the lake.
- Let beauty be simple.
DON’T:
- Over-romanticize.
- Skip the quiet corners.
- Forget to look up.
Things no one warned me about:
- Granada is gentle.
- It doesn’t demand attention.
- It earns it.
DON’T MISS:
- Having a fresh coconut.
📝 Absurd Nicaragua Checklist
☑ Sweated through every plan
☑ Learned patience without trying
☑ Mistook stillness for boredom (briefly)
☑ Realized calm can be loud
☑ Said this is fine unironically
☑ Checked shoes before putting on for scorpions/black spiders
☑ Ate ripe fruits directly from the trees
☑ Washed my clothes in a river
☑ Checked for crocodiles before swimming in the river
☑ Shoved my way into a chicken bus
“You take life as it comes.”
—Forrest Gump (1994)
Nicaragua didn’t dazzle me.
It settled me.
And somewhere between ocean air, quiet streets,
and cities that don’t perform,
I learned that not every place needs to impress you
some places just need you to arrive honestly.
