I haven’t written about mental health in a while, and today I found myself wondering why. Maybe it is because once you’ve lived through something, you don’t always want to keep talking about it. Maybe part of healing is simply moving forward. But I also realize that one of the reasons I talk about mental health so much is because I didn’t understand it until I needed to.
I knew the words. Burnout. Stress. Anxiety. Mental health. Self-care. I had heard all of them before. I probably would have told you that taking care of your mental health was important. But knowing something intellectually and understanding it because you’ve lived it are two very different things.
I didn’t know burnout before I burnt out.
I didn’t know that you could keep functioning while something inside you was slowly shutting down. I didn’t know that exhaustion could become so profound that sleep no longer seemed to fix it. I didn’t know that someone who appeared productive, responsible and capable could actually be struggling underneath the surface. And I certainly didn’t know that I could experience such an intense loss of the desire to keep going.
That scared me.
It also changed me.
Looking back now, I can see that burnout wasn’t one dramatic event. It was years of small decisions, habits and compromises that eventually accumulated into something much bigger than I could handle. I kept telling myself I could push a little longer. Finish this project. Work through this week. Get some sleep later. Deal with myself later.
Later eventually became a very dangerous place to live.
That’s why I now believe mental health isn’t something we should only think about when something goes wrong. Just like we maintain a car before the engine fails, perhaps we need to pay attention to ourselves before we completely run out of fuel.
These are the eight things I wish I had understood earlier.
- Learn to recognize your own warning signs.
Burnout doesn’t necessarily announce itself. For me, the signs were gradual enough that I could explain each one away. Being tired was because I was working hard. Losing interest was because I was busy. Feeling disconnected was because I had too much on my plate. When every individual symptom has an explanation, you can miss the fact that they are forming a pattern.
We all have a personal version of the warning light on the dashboard. The important thing is learning what yours looks like before the engine stops.
- Don’t confuse productivity with wellbeing.
I spent a long time believing that being productive meant I was doing well. If I was getting things done, I must be okay. But productivity can sometimes hide the problem rather than prove there isn’t one. You can accomplish an incredible amount while running yourself into the ground.
There is nothing wrong with working hard. Ambition isn’t the enemy. The question is whether your work is still serving your life-or whether your entire life has become organized around your work.
- Rest before you think you deserve it.
I used to treat rest as something I earned after everything else was finished. The problem is that everything is never finished.
There is always another email, another responsibility, another person who needs something, another task that could be done. If rest only happens after the list is empty, you may never rest.
Rest isn’t a reward for being productive.
It is part of being able to remain productive, healthy and present.
- Don’t wait until you are in crisis to talk to someone.
One of the hardest things about struggling mentally is that we often become quieter precisely when we most need connection. We convince ourselves that we’ll figure it out. We don’t want to burden anyone. We don’t know how to explain what we’re feeling, so we say nothing.
I’ve learned that you don’t have to wait until you have the perfect words.
Sometimes, “I’m not doing very well” is enough.
A conversation doesn’t have to solve everything. Sometimes being heard is the first crack in the wall you’ve been building around yourself.
- Pay attention to the things that give you energy.
We spend a lot of time identifying what drains us, but I think we also need to notice what brings us back to ourselves.
For me, that eventually meant stepping away, travelling, experiencing new things, meeting people, creating, and rediscovering parts of myself that had been buried under years of responsibility. Those things didn’t magically cure burnout, but they helped me remember that I was more than the work I had been doing.
Your life needs things that aren’t obligations.
It needs things that make you feel alive.
- Don’t ignore the people around you.
Burnout can make you withdraw. You stop answering messages. You cancel plans. You tell yourself you’ll reconnect when you’re feeling better, and then you become even more isolated.
Connection matters.
Sometimes the person who helps you isn’t the person with the perfect advice. Sometimes they’re simply the person who sits with you, listens, makes you laugh, or reminds you that you still belong somewhere.
We aren’t designed to carry everything alone.
- Learn that saying no is not failure.
For a long time, I thought being dependable meant being available. If I could help, I should help. If I could take something on, I would.
But every yes has a cost.
Sometimes the cost is your time. Sometimes your energy. Sometimes your sleep. Sometimes your ability to be present for the people and things that actually matter.
Saying no isn’t necessarily selfish.
Sometimes it is how you protect the ability to say yes to the right things.
- Take your mental health seriously-even when you think you’re fine.
This is probably the biggest lesson I took from everything I’ve experienced.
Don’t wait until you are falling apart before you decide your mental health matters.
You don’t have to earn the right to take care of yourself. You don’t need a diagnosis to recognize that you’re exhausted. You don’t need to reach a breaking point before asking for help. And you don’t need to justify taking a step back simply because someone else seems to be handling more than you are.
We are all carrying different things.
I wish I had understood that earlier.
I also wish I understood that burnout isn’t simply about being tired. Sometimes it is what happens when you have been overriding yourself for too long. Your body may be telling you to stop long before your mind is willing to listen.
That’s why I continue to talk about mental health.
Not because I have figured it all out.
I haven’t.
I talk about it because I know what it feels like to discover the importance of mental health only after you’ve pushed yourself too far. I know what it feels like to realize that the person you thought was strong and capable was actually running on an empty tank.
And I don’t want someone else to have to learn that lesson the same way.
Maybe taking care of our mental health isn’t about preventing every difficult day. Life will still hurt. We will still experience grief, disappointment, failure, rejection and stress.
It’s about noticing when the difficult days are becoming a way of life.
It’s about checking in with ourselves before someone else has to.
And maybe, most importantly, it’s giving ourselves permission to stop.
Because I once thought stopping meant I wasn’t strong enough.
Now I understand something very different.
Sometimes stopping is how you make sure you have enough of yourself left to continue.
8 Things to Do to Help Prevent Burnout
1. Make plans with people.
Don't let work become your entire social calendar. Have coffee, dinner, a game night, or simply spend time with someone you enjoy. Connection gives your brain somewhere else to go.
2. Have something to look forward to.
A weekend trip, concert, movie, dinner, class, or even a simple Saturday morning ritual. Having something enjoyable on the horizon can break up the feeling that life is just work followed by more work.
3. Move your body.
Walk, swim, cycle, dance, hike, play a sport-whatever you actually enjoy. It doesn't have to be a workout program. The point is to get out of your chair and back into your body.
4. Do something playful.
Play isn't just for children. Go bowling. Play miniature golf. Blow bubbles. Go to an amusement park. Play a board game. Do something where the objective isn't achievement; it's fun.
5. Create something.
Cook something new. Paint. Write. Build something. Take photographs. Play music. Creativity gives your brain a completely different problem to solve-one where there doesn't have to be a right answer.
6. Spend time in nature.
Go for a walk in a park, sit beside the water, garden, watch the sunset, or simply get outside. Sometimes the best way to interrupt the mental noise of work is to put yourself somewhere that doesn't care about your productivity.
7. Have experiences that are completely unrelated to your job.
Take a class. Visit a museum. See a movie. Learn something you've always been curious about. Travel somewhere new. You are more than what you do for a living, and your life should remind you of that.
8. Protect some time where you have absolutely nothing to accomplish.
This might be the hardest one for people who are prone to overworking. Don't fill every empty space with another task. Give yourself permission to simply exist. Sit. Read. Listen to music. Watch the rain. Do nothing.